you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
