No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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