it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
