...so i touched it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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