I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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