Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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