Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
