I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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