So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
your like the ambassador to my penis.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
