A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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