I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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