I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
