I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
