who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
