She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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