My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
