Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
