What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
