Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
