What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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