I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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