RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
