I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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