Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize