It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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