This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
