and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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