I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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