My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
