Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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