You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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