There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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