I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
