get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
