Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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