Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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