He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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