It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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