I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
