Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
