I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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