I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize