Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
