I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
