haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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