I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
