Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
