remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This toilet bowl is my home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize