insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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