Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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