just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
