did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
