Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
