Michael Bay diarrhea
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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