It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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