How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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