just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
