Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize