All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
