I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
