This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
