evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love having hate sex.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
