I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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