Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
