On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
