sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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