Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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