I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
