I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize