Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
